Ordering Fancy Foods: A Guide for Stupid Americans
Recently, I was at a restaurant where the menu was mostly French. There was a dish I wanted to order (Oeufs en meurette), but I didn’t know how to pronounce it so I had to do that thing where I said the familiar syllables super loud and the mystery syllables in basically a murmur (“I’ll have the OOFS EN MeurphmeETTE”).
I had to do that twice so the waiter could hear it and it was utterly humiliating. This can’t be the only time a dumb American has to do this song and dance, so I figured I’d compile a list of common fancy words and their proper pronunciations for my fellow idiots.
| Fancy Word | Pronounce Like… |
|---|---|
| Sauvignon blanc | Southern young blonde |
| Le Pain Quotidien | The Pan Quarter Dan |
| Crème brûlée | Cream broole |
| Roux | Rocks |
| Sommelier | Smiley |
| Soupçon | SoupCon (like the convention) |
| Plat du jour | Plate DiGiorno |
| Al dente | Alf Donkey |
| Baguette | Breddit |
| Aïoli | Açaí |
| Açaí | Aïoli |
| Croque monsieur | Crotch monster |
My hope is that you’ll put this guide to good use when ordering in the future. If you don’t, I’ll knock the oui oui out of you.